The Curious Cat's Lunch
by I.Wub.Tuggy
Summary: A one-shot based on the Rum Tum Tugger's song. Co-written by my brother, The Writer of Many Things. R&R!


**Before you read: Note that this story takes place in a world where seeing a walking, talking cat is normal. Also, note that I do not owns Cats. Rate & review!**

_Ding, ding!_ A man approached the counter of the town's newest hotel. "Hello, sir. Can I help you?" he asked, eager to take orders.

"Yeah. Could you direct me to the hotel's restaurant?" a tall, black and tan cat asked.

"Yes, sir," the man said as he pointed to the left, "The restaurant is down that hall and to the right."

"Thanks," the cat, who was known as the Rum Tum Tugger, said as he started to strut away.

The man behind the desk called out, "Wait! Sir!"

Tugger turned around. "Yes?"

"Could, uh, you sign our guestbook?" the man asked as he turned around to finish something he was doing before Tugger came along. "It's part of a statistical research project that our company is running because this hotel just opened this week. If you sign it, you're helping us.."

The man rambled on, but when he turned around to thank the cat, Tugger was gone. The hotel employee checked the guestbook to see if there was a signature, and there was, but it read the name "Tug" with a heart beside it.

Typical Tugger.

In the restaurant, the Rum Tum Tugger waited to be seated. He read a sign that said, "Welcome to Hotel Cuisine. Our goal is to serve you delicious food and deny no request. Enjoy."

A plump, short waiter came to him. "Good afternoon, sir. May I offer you something while you wait? A pheasant, perhaps?"

Tugger simply said, "I'd rather have grouse."

The waiter nodded, and he was off. Soon, another employee approached Tugger. "We have a table for you, sir."

Tugger grinned, and followed the man to a booth inside the house. When they reached the seat, the cat frowned.

"Is there something wrong, sir?" the waiter asked.

"I would much prefer a flat," Tugger said nonchalantley.

The waiter did not complain, and walked the tom to the flat, which was outside.

"You know, now that I think about it, I'd rather have a house."

The waiter thought, _"You've got to be kidding me."_

The two walked back into the house and Tugger sat where he was originally seated. The waiter walked away.

A female employee walked up to the cat's table. "Hello, there. My name is Kim and I'll be your waitress today. Can I start you off with an appetizer? Maybe a mouse?"

Tugger rolled his eyes and said, "I only want a rat."

The waitress reassured him, "Oh, alright. We can do that. I'll be right back with your rat."

The tom called out, "Actually, I'd rather chase a mouse."

_"Oh. My. Everlasting Cat,"_ the waitress thought.

"Of course, sir," the girl said sarcastically and made her way to the kitchen.

A manager of the restaurant walked up to the table and asked, "Is everything okay so far?"

An evil smile came upon Tugger's face. "Well, yes, but I'm a bit hot. Could I step out for a second?"

The friendly manager smiled and said, "Yes! Of course! The door is that way," and pointed to an exit.

Tugger walked while swaying his hips to a different door. The manager ran after him, caught him, and said, "Oh, no, sir. The other door."

With a fake embarrassed look on his face, the tom said, "Oops, I guess I'm always on the wrong side of every door."

The manager giggled and said, "Do you do that at home, too?"

"Well, usually as soon as I get home, then I like to get about. Oh, by the way, do you have a bureau in your office?"

"Erm," the manager said, "well, yes. But I'm confused as to why that might be of your interest."

"Can I lay in it?" the tom asked rather rudely.

"What? No!"

With ease, the Rum Tum Tugger cleared his throat and said, "Welcome to the Hotel Cuisine. Our goal is to serve you delicious food and.." he raised his voice a little, "deny no request. Enjoy."

An angered look fell upon the manager's face as he handed the keys to his office over to the cat.

Tugger made his way to the office and curled up in the bureau drawer.

_"This should be fun," _he thought to himself.

And then, with a deep breath, the cat made such a fuss because he couldn't get out. The manager rushed back to his office and released him.

"You know you are very disobliging," the man said.

Tug laughed and said quietly, "It's a matter of habit." Then, the manager stayed in his office and told the cat to go back to his booth.

When he arrived there, a different waitress was awaiting him. "Would you like to try one of our fish?"

Again, the tom rolled his eyes and said, "No, I always want a feast."

"I hate to say, sir, but there isn't any. Can I offer you a rabbit?"

"No, I won't eat a rabbit!" Tugger exclaimed.

The waitress was embarrassed. "Oh, then can I offer you some cream?"

The cat sniffed and sneered. He said, "I only like what I find for myself."

"Then you can grab your own lobster in one of our tanks," she said with a smile.

"No," he said rudely. She walked away and the cat ran towards the lobster tank.

The manager caught him in the tank right up to his ears and he was so furious that he took the lobster off the menu and put them away on the larder shelf.

Tugger stood there, laughing uncontrollably. The manager just looked at him and said, "You are one curious cat."


End file.
